Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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