Apparently you make a good broom.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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