I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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