We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
