So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
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I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
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My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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