I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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