Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
