dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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