a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
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Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.