I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
