Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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