My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes