we have pet lesbian snakes
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
