I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
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Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
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dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.