i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n