She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.