I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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