i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
