you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
