Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
