So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
