One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
