the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
