i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
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I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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