census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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