Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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