if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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