I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
