You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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