he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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