You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
