She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
