So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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