Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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