Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
