I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My pussy is not your playground.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
