I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
