proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
