I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
