I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
