I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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