He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You know, be my cock's hype man.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
