You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
