John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
