The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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