i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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