I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
