I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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