Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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