come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
