he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
