This dress was meant to end up on your floor
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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