Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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