My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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