So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
