we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
