the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
