Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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