But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
