Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
