I skipped work to stalk him.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
