woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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