Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
