you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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