after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
