I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
