We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
