There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
