And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
