Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
