he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
