Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
