dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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