I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i believe in u and ur pee
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize