The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
NoShamevember. You game?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
