isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
