The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
