is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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