he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
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3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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