thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
