Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
