Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
